some words by leonard cohen.

"A Thousand Kisses Deep"

The ponies run, the girls are young,
The odds are there to beat.
You win a while, and then it’s done –
Your little winning streak.
And summoned now to deal
With your invincible defeat,
You live your life as if it’s real,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed,
I’m back on Boogie Street.
You lose your grip, and then you slip
Into the Masterpiece.
And maybe I had miles to drive,
And promises to keep:
You ditch it all to stay alive,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

Confined to sex, we pressed against
The limits of the sea:
I saw there were no oceans left
For scavengers like me.
I made it to the forward deck.
I blessed our remnant fleet –
And then consented to be wrecked,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed,
I’m back on Boogie Street.
I guess they won’t exchange the gifts
That you were meant to keep.
And quiet is the thought of you,
The file on you complete,
Except what we forgot to do,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

The ponies run, the girls are young,
The odds are there to beat . . .

i am fucking done.

well, that is it! i'm done with my family. they are all a bunch of caniving liers... so much for going back home next fall, that is not happening unless I can get my own place which I cant afford, nor can I look and approve a place from 1,000 miles away. nor am i going to get into usf, nor can i afford ut soooo I'm FUCKED basically! I am seriously thinking of quitting school and doing something else... man, if it wasnt for my dog I so would. You have no idea how tempted I am to 'move' home and dissapear. Seriously, I would tell absolutely no one where I am going. that would be awesome. I know where I would go though. I'd get a passport and buhbyeee.

Anyways, I am absolutely not talking to my mom. I totally took apart my phone and everything else so i can't get tempted. Everytime I want to talk to my mom I'm just going to come here and say what I want to say. It's going to be hard, but I cannot let this family manipulate my life anymore. I would do so many things differently in my life, first not get a dog, second i'd never move here. I don't even really care about anything at the moment and dont really care about anyone anymore.

anyways, thats more of the depressing thoughts for now. merry fucking christmas.