graduation.

I can't believe i am starting my senior year of college in a few weeks. I never thought I would get here. Things were so so hard and I had absolutely no confidence in myself; I never thought I would find my passion in anything. Now I am going to graduate with a degree on sociology and a 3.9 gpa (at least). I will not accept anything less from myself. My goal is to continue my education and get my PHD in either sustainability or sociology with a specific interest (to be determined). It's just so weird. I don't give myself enough credit sometimes. I should be very proud. Everybody doubted me and now I am going to do it: I am going to be something. something amazing.

something annoyed me so much today. I get so many stupid conservative, religious forwards from my family that I usually automatically delete without even reading. For some reason today I read them. Well it was some stupid prayer, and this part particularly infuriated me:

"We have exploited the poor and called it
the lottery.

We have rewarded laziness and called it
welfare.."


So which is it? Are we exploiting the poor under the name of capitalism (lottery) or are we rewarding them for being lazy since poor people obviously just don't like to work (yeah, and we can say this with a straight face when we have like, 10 percent unemployment). It cannot be both. We cannot be exploiting the 'poor' and rewarding them for being lazy.

This one made me laugh too because it came from the typical right wing talking point that all of our forefathers were puritans who loved jesus and hated the gays, amen! "We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment."

AND ACTUALLY THE FOREFATHERS LIVED DURING THE TRUE 'ENLIGHTENMENT'. so what is your point exactly? That cannot really be debated...

Anyway, just had to get that out before i exploded.

PROP 8 WAS JUST RULED UNCONSTITUTIONAL!

Happy day for equality, folks!

Everybody's got to eat, but everybody doesn't.

wow, a whole month without posting! Nothing interesting has happened, and I doubt anyone is even reading this, so it doesn't matter :P

Mostly what I wanted to post was this. I've had so much time to listen to music lately, I've re-fallen in love with it in a way. It's pretty beautiful. I hadn't found anything I'd related to in a really really long time.

Albums of the Moment:
The Gaslight Anthem- American Slang
Steel Train- Self-Titled
Frightened Rabbit- The Midnight Organ Fight (seriously, I've listened to this nonstop for like a month)
Kate Nash- My Best Friend Is You (while you are at it, check out 'Made Of Bricks')
Wakey Wakey- Almost Everything I Wish I'd Said The Last Time I Saw You
Grace Potter & The Nocturnals- Nothing But The Water

Honourable Mention: K'naan- Troubador. Wow, a beautiful album, I've had it for like a year and have never listened to it... nuts. Honestly, this is the kind of hip-hop I miss. I hate saying I don't like hip-hop anymore, because the truth is I love it, it's one of the first kinds of music I ever fell in love with, even before rock and roll really. The stories they tell need to be told, but truth be said I do not appreciate the rappers who degrade women and perpetuate ridiculous stereotypes of the community.


Noticed Hanson isn't on this list... pffft.

I honestly believe my love of hip-hop helped lead me to sociology which is a beautiful gift, thank you.

lets get oldfashioned back to how things used to be

albums that make me cry every time because they are so heartbreaking, either for personal reasons or the music itself:

the river- bruce springsteen
august and everything after- counting crows
made of bricks- kate nash
whatever and ever amen- ben folds

now i can add 'the midnight organ fight' by frightened rabbit to here. How have I not discovered this before? tragic.

oh god, what a fabulous sadness. what a great album to discover as i've been feeling nonfabulously sad lately.

she's got no future, just a life to endure.

hello blogosphere. Today I got a surprising amount of things done... I cleaned my room, vacuumed, cleaned the litter boxes (ick), did laundry, ran to the store, and had my first steak n shake experience! Seriously, Tampa has every single fast food imaginable, it's ridiculous. Also fattening. I was meant to start a diet today, obviously that did not happen. I am cutting out all sweet drinks and sticking to water from now on. Coffee gets a pass, but I have to start to use less sugar. That's basically it.

those were days of roses; poetry and proses.

I am so so so glad that I bought this Tom Waits album on a whim two weeks ago. I'm just getting round to listening to it now but I am seriously in love. The other songs I tried to listen to were a little hard to stand, but I suppose his later work is a little bit more avantegarde (at least from what I read searching through google).The songs are just so understated and beautiful with the piano shining through creating so much emotion you just want to cry! The lyrics are also so beautiful and poetic, you could such emotion just from reading them on a piece of paper. It really is quite extraordinary. In case anyone out there is reading my blog, the album is "Closing Time". I think it's his debut or one of his first albums anyway. I think I'm going to burn this one for my dad, along with the new Hanson CD ('shout it out' in case anyone is interested). The new Hanson album hasn't gotten a super lot of play since I've been preoccupied with 'pet sounds' and 'new miserable experience' (strange taste whattttt).

Let's see, what else have I been up to. Not much really. I put chlorine in the pool today, unloaded the dishwasher, remembered to take out the recycle (come on this is always a success since i usually forget)... really nothing special. I was going to get my nails done yesterday but couldn't justify the expense (I spend approximately 1/6 of my time biting my nails. That's right. 1/6.) Of course, I can justify buying to many new albums from the record store. It's something I haven't done in a long long time though, and I suppose some things never change. ever. Before I cared what I looked like, I spent all my money on CDs and literally never bought new clothes for myself. I didn't even buy good Cds though so it was kind of a waste (this was during my crappy hip-hop stage... the 15 dollars on that edited version of tupac's greatest hits was well spent though).

Not much else to say. I think I am going to make salmon for dinner... I was going to make mashed potatoes but I am too lazy, so I'm just going to reheat the corn that's already in the fridge. I'll make the Parmesan potatoes tomorrow instead.

I need a haircut. that is all.

when did i become such a new-jerseyian? Seriously, I want to know when this vast transformation took place. Any chance that I get I tell people I'm from the northeast. Also, I've been spending a considerably amount of time listening to this guy:


My dad never liked bruce springsteen, i never listened to him growing up. I am discovering his genius though.

Hey, it could be worse. I could be listening to bon jovi.

oh wow, it's been a week since I last updated! Mucho apologies. A lot has gone on in a week. Not that anyone even reads this, so I suppose I am apologizing to myself which is pretty embaressing.

I had my USF orientation of Wednesday and it was so scary. The school is huge, and I got lost trying to find my car at the end of the day... it took me over an hour to find it. It was absolutely horrible. I don't know, I don't know if I can do this. It's going to be so hard! I have to take a foreign language which I am not completely sure I will ever pass. I could always take sign language... which I'm still not completely sure I would ever pass. I'm still considering taking french again since I did take two years of it, and some of it must have stuck. Am I right? No, probably not. Maybe I just do not have enough confidence in myself. It's probably half that and half that I know the true reality of the situation.

In other news, allergies are brutal today. Seriously, where is all this pollen even coming from? It's florida, we have no flowers! Nothing can grow, it's a desert!

Yesterday I watched Pirate Radio, which was decent. It got a lot better towards the end, the beginning was a bit slow moving.

Oh yeah, and my 19 year old unmarried, poor sister is pregnant! I'll leave that situation up to everyone's imaginations. By poor I don't mean it in a "aww poor baby" kind of way, more of a "oh i have no savings or health insurance and my boyfriend has no job" kind of way.

Hmmm, what else. I've been listening to some awesome albums this week... I just made it through "Pet Sounds" and "New Miserable Experience"... I'm now working on Elastica's self-titled album which is good so far. I'm listening to "Car Song" at the moment. Oh yeah, and I listened to half of "The First Ten Years" by Joan Baez. Lots of awesome Dylan covers.

That's it for now! I'm very sneezy! Will report back later xo.

Cher

I'm not gonna try to forget Maybe happiness Is worth the chance Of a bitter end?

why do people lie? i really don't understand it. I don't want to get so much into it, but my feelings were hurt, really. But, I can't let mistakes I've made in the past be in vain, and I will NOT go through the same situation, you know? I have to not let myself get that hurt, because if I do, I might never open up again.

Have to remember not to set myself up for failure in the future. Somebody will come along eventually, maybe.

In other news, my sun poisoning is slowly but surely going away. I guess that's why I haven't written, i've been in alot of pain. For once it's physical though.

In other other news, I finally took a ride to the record shop, and it was awesomeeeeee. I got the complete buddy holly on vinyl! Like, is anything more amazing than that? NO. I also bought carole king- tapestry and bruce springsteen- the river on vinyl. Besides that I bought a bunch of cds that need to go into my itunes. I'm really happy about that. I spent way too much money, but soooo worth it. I also stopped at the thrift store and bought 2 really really cute dresses, one long top that I wont be able to wear until winter, and one dress i'm not as in love with but its still pretty cute. All in all it was a successful week.

Anyways, I have been trying SO hard lately that I refuse to be put into emo cher mode over a certain boy.

Amanda & Me at the beach... forgot to post this the other day! oh my god, my sunburn is horrible. Well, it's not sunburn, its sun poisoning. I have blisters on the back of my legs and they are purple. I will spare you picture of that though.

In other news, I'm listening to the new Hanson album "Shout It Out"... i am seriously in love. I love this piano rock side to them, its so amazing. It's like a great forgotten album from the 1970's. The opening chords of "waiting for this" remind me so much of ben folds (who also equals love)... so far no ballads though. They seem to be very happy on this album, which is a contrast to the past EPS they've released over the last few years, lol. I'm glad though as I wasn't totally in love with all of them. Anyways, I am very happy at the moment.

Also, I might get to go see Something Corporate after all! Ginny might come with me, I have to see if I have school then. If I don't, I'll drive down :D So exciting. I really would love to see them.

Orientation is a week from wednesday... eee!!! SO NERVOUS. I think I'll be ok though.

Let's see, what else did I do today... shaved the dog, bathed the dog, cleaned out the kitty boxes, went to the post office, and went to walgreens! All in all a successful day. I sold something else on amazon and made 12.00. YAY. that's about it!

Ok, now i'm going to go tend to my sunburn!

i'm making a list of cds i hope to acquire someday. maybe my bday.

love- love
broken bells- self-titled
any joan baez
the dead weather- die by the drop


i'm sure there are more, will be adding to this list!

today its raining, I mean really raining, like cats and dogs as they say. I was very disappointed to see my favorite blog ever has discontinued. She hadn't written in it in over 2 years, but the old entries were still up in case I felt like getting lost. I suppose at some time we need to let these kinds of things go though, right? I'd love to tell her how much her entries meant to me, and how much I identified. I'm sure she knows though, I think people can feel these kinds of things.

I went to the store and mailed out some things, nothing truly exciting.

I hope that it doesn't rain tomorrow, and I hope that the oil stays off of Florida's shores for as long as possible although it will not be indefinitely, and eventually we will have to suffer the consequences for abusing nature and deregulating business.

That's really all I have to say.

I brought a stick to a gunfight, and I'm stuck with my tongue tied.

this is where I'm going on Friday:



I hope it's warm, but I hope the sun doesn't burn me up. I don't need any more color really, my legs already look sickly pale like that of a person on their third round of chemotherapy while my arms make me look like a construction worker putting windows in houses for a living (I'm not).

I have some more evidence for my 'when it rains it pours theory'. A long time ago (well, like 2 years) when I first moved here I hung out with this guy. Holding back details of what actually happened we stopped talking and haven't spoken in more than a year. Actually, the last time I spoke to him was probably around election day 2008. Anyway, I was just thinking of him because I knew he wanted to go to USF and I'm starting in the fall. Then I noticed him stalking my profile on okcupid, so I was the nice one and sent him a 'hey how are you doing, etc etc' message to find out that hes now currently single and going to usf, blah blah blah. Yeah, that was so odd and the timing was so weird. I don't want to date him or anything, I'm just trying to make friends. So odd though.

Besides that, nothing overly exciting has happened this week. Sorry this entry is not very poetic I just don't feel very poetic today. It's sweltering outside and I'm contemplating going swimming but then I'm like do I really want to get all messed up? Then I'm thinking of going to get some photos developed but it's a waste to just go out to do that one thing. I also have to mail some things but I'm waiting for the ebay buyers to pay me. You know how that goes.

Ok, here is my current playlist:
Parachute- She (For Liz)
Gabe Dixon Band- And The World Turns
Carbon Leaf- Another Man's Woman
Carbon Leaf- Miss Hollywood
Love- My Little Red Book
Something Corporate- Me & The Moon
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes- Home
Kate Nash- Doo Wah Doo

sometimes i feel like i must be the worst person in the world! met some new people, blah blah blah, feelings later, i agree, then change my mind, and now want out. None of this probably makes sense to you, it doesn't make any to me either. The days float by and i'm still the same. like, i kind of liked you but not in that way alright? i just like talking about music to strangers, and when somebody knows who buddy holly is my heart starts to feel false feelings. I can't explain it. ugh, nothing in life makes any sense. hide my phone from me because sometimes i feel like its a deadly weapon.

now i'm sitting here listening to jack's mannequin which contains too many feelings within it to even begin to explain that mess, and the song changes and its "to the beat of our noisy hearts" by matt nathanson. Music makes me want to move to the city and experience things. Not sure what. I will get back to you.

I suppose none of this will be any big deal by next week, I just dont know why i do these things!

i swear, everytime i play 'hospital beds' by the cold war kids i think of him, and it makes me go searching through facebook to find pictures. He's so beautiful, an as much as I tell myself that him and his crazy hair are not so special, to me they are. They are so special and so beautiful that I cannot forget them. Then I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach like i might die at any single solitary second. I have no idea why I feel so strongly about someone who I never dated. I don't know if he ever liked me, as a friend or as anything more than that. I've been over this for a long time, but every once and a while the feeling creeps back up on me, usually when I'm feeling lonely or overwhelmed. I think he's just some kind of bizarre marker for that point in my life that wasn't so terrible, and when I felt like good things could actually happen to me. A painful, unrequited marker but a marker none the less. I don't know, I guess I just needed to say these things because they've been bothering me for the past day. I've met some new people and these things just seem to come up in my mind. They come up every single time I meet a guy who i have a connection with that I find out later on has a girlfriend. It follows me around like a ghost in winter. I find it out about the recent guy, and then I think of him and how I was or was not led on or maybe hearts just believe whatever they want to, I don't know. I don't know much about hearts I think. But I do think I loved him. or maybe not him but what I dreamt he could be. Maybe I just wanted to believe there were a few good true hearts left in the world.

But, like I said, i don't know much about hearts I think.

if i left tomorrow, would anyone even care? or notice? sometimes i think i'd be less of a burden on the earth if i just overdosed on benadryl. I'm certain everyone would get over it in .5 seconds.

So you buried all your lover's clothes and burned the letters lover wrote...

... but it doesn't make it any better, does it make it any better?


I haven't written in about 2 weeks, I guess I just haven't had much to say or just haven't felt like saying it. I feel too depressed most of the time to put my energy into anything, especially a blog (my school work has been lacking as well, although I did finish my big paper early) I know that writing will only make me feel better but I guess it's just hard sometimes. The acceptance letters are still sitting on my desk. Ah, why aren't decisions easier?

Onto the positive... May 21-22, I'm meeting my best friend and her equally cool boyfriend in Disney :) I'm staying at the same Disney hotel as them (Pop Century) so it will be easy to coordinate and I can avoid driving (and parking) as much as possible. Should be totally fun :D Also... no need for a designated driver!! I do not drink really, let alone going out to drink, so this should be really fun. Also, me and Stephanie have never gotten to 'go out' together because the last time I was home I wasn't even 21 yet. Anyways, exciting stuff. We are going to MGM studios in the morning and then later on going to Epcot (and eating dinner in mexico). I really am excited for that.

Besides that we are spending Easter at my aunt's house. I really hate Easter, I mean I kind of dislike all religious holidays because I don't believe in them. Maybe hate is a strong word and I don't want to put anyone off or anything, it's just I get religion forced down my throat every possible second by my aunt. Then I'm made to feel like I'm a terrible person for not believing this story or that story. It's not beliefs that make you a good person, it's what you do. I don't force my beliefs, or even talk about them, to my aunt so why doesn't that go both ways? I'm 21, not some child with a moldable brain... I have ideas of my own. That's fine though, I'm over it.

My dad sent me a package of goodies (aka cds) for Easter :D One of them is The Byrds boxset, and another is volumes 1-3 of the bootleg albums by bob dylan (which he already got me but this one has all the neat artwork!). Also a bunch of Cds that he burned which was nice, and a copied photo of my grandfather in his army uniform (HANDSOME!!). Ok, so I think that's really it... I don't know, maybe not. My plans got cancelled... oh, happy day.

Cher